Strength in numbers

When I first [finally] decided to pursue writing (about my experiences with mental health issues), as a (possible) career, I wavered back and forth; contemplating whether or not to actually do it. I really wanted to try and do it anonymously. I didn’t want anyone to know it was me behind these words. I know how cruel and judgmental the world can be and I didn’t want people judging me. I had worked so hard all my life to portray a strong independent person (not just woman). The last thing I wanted was to be seen as a frail week little girl. And that’s how I feel my depression and anxiety make me look. I don’t even like using the word “feel.” Women are associated with feelings and emotions, which are perceived as weak. Men are associated with thought and logic, which are considered a strength.

So I always made it a point to never say, “I feel” or talk about my feelings. I kept everything bottled up and tried to be as logical and rational as possible. I viewed feelings and emotions as a weakness. I even judged others when they would get emotional or express their feelings. Maybe that’s why I’m so fucked up. I never wanted to to appear weak or needy. I never wanted anyone to think I needed them or wanted them to feel pity or sorry for me. For some reason, whenever someone expresses their weaknesses or flaws, people think they’re doing it for attention or sympathy or pity. But for me, and most likely a great majority who bare their soul and put their selves out there, I’m doing it because I want to break the stigma and hopefully help others [even if it’s just one person] to feel…